SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize