Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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