Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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