We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
