I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
