Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
