R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
