he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize