bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
