The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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