this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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