She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
