kristin has been a bad kristin
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
