jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
