Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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