She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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