I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
