either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
