Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize