I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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