So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
