Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
