I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was confusing and full of hummus
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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