They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
