Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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