If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
home. puking in laundry basket.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
