i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize