I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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