So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
