...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
