he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
