A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
