I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize