Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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