Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
