forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
