Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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