Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
