I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
