Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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