btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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