it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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