I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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