Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
