How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
