I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
