She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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