I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize