Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
