At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize