So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
