I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
