sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
