were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
