New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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