True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
