I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
