4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
